The best thing about retirement is getting up early but not having to go to a job. (Read that again.)
Morgan Freeman, Sam Elliott and Keanu Reeves never said any of that wise shit in all those memes you post. You know that, right?
Avatars aren’t the creepiest thing on the Internet.
Animated birthday avatars are the creepiest thing on the Internet.
If you go hiking in the Ozarks and don’t come back with ticks on your fun parts, you haven’t really gone hiking in the Ozarks.
I stacked firewood today, about half a rick. Two-thirds hardwood, the rest red cedar.
If, when deciding what to do, you consider things like whether or not it’s against the law, the risk of serious physical injury, or what your parents would think (or would’ve thought), you’re just not gonna have a very satisfying life.
I’ve seen a lot of bad things through the years, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing worse than a wet basement.
I don’t understand how a person can get lazier with age. Seriously.
Some people go out of their way to make sure that everyone knows they’re an asshole. Only an asshole would do that.
I’ve heard that friends are the true measure of wealth.
I tend to gauge my success by the kinds of people who dislike me.
Never mind world peace and curing diseases — could we please have a little more punctuation?
I used to chuckle (to myself) when I saw an old person rock forward three or four times to build enough momentum to get up from a chair.
Yeah, that shit’s not funny anymore.
Skies over The Mountain are looking interesting late this afternoon, in an ominous sort of way. Storms are predicted to roll through here around 8pm.
The kids who were afraid of monsters under their beds became the adults who warn us about Big Pharma, Big Ag, Big Tech, and chemtrails.
We all know that one guy who falls for every friend request he gets from strangers with big boobs.
Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” doesn’t need new lyrics. Write your own damned song.
Composing original advertising jingles is an art and, like writing a letter or changing a tire by the side of the road, it’s been lost.
Patriarchy works.
It’s accepted these days for a man to use a women’s restroom and compete in women’s sports. Teachers have to accommodate children who think they’re a different sex or cats or dogs or chinchillas or whatever. People introduce themselves by name and, bizarrely, pronouns. There are now so many faddish dysphorias and dysfunctions that even identity merchants use “+” to save time.
I could go on, of course, but you have to wonder — what could possibly be next? Don’t you?
Artificial intelligence is the zenith of human achievement, if only because it reveals how rare authentic intelligence has become.
If you press and hold your finger on this paragraph, copy it and share it with your friends, your online privacy will be secured, no one will be able to steal the photos you post, all your social-media friends will be visible again, and you’ll come into a great sum of money.
Bonus blessings if you include the word, “Amen.”
In related news, “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary.
(For the record, there are no junked cars on our property.)
Every generation is seen as “soft” by those who came before.
That said, I fully expect that fifty years from now, men will dissolve in warm water.
The greatest threat to America is open borders.
The greatest threat to society is beta males.
We’re not “a nation of immigrants.” We’re a nation of Liberty and law.
A full bucket of food scraps and coffee grounds meant that it was time for a trip to the compost tumbler.
The peacemakers may be blessed, but the strong survive.
There’s more honor in truth than there is money. Or friends.
Real Americans love an open fire, a sharp knife, grilled meat, the thump of recoil and the intoxicating aroma of a spent cartridge.
Smoke ’em if you got ’em.
Take care of yourselves, Patriots. Stay calm. Stay sharp. Stay free.
#WiseUp #LibertyOrDeath #Ungovernable
#LetsGoBrandon #FJB