A friend of mine posted one of those have-you-ever lists to social media last night. I’m feelin’ lazy and not too terribly inspired today, so I’m stealin’ it.
We’re ’bout to find out how ‘country” y’all are. Have you ever…
- Owned pellet gun or a BB gun as a kid?
- Owned a real gun?
- Shot a real gun?
- Gone squirrel or rabbit hunting?
- Gone fishing?
- Owned or used a slingshot?
- Plucked a chicken or a turkey?
- Gathered wild ginseng?
- Eaten deer meat?
- Eaten frog legs?
- Fed a baby farm animal with a bottle?
- Gathered fresh eggs?
- Driven a stick?
- Started a vehicle using a manual choke?
- Ridden in the back of a pickup truck?
- Shucked corn?
- Waded barefoot in a creek?
- Caught fireflies in a jar at night?
- Tasted wild honeysuckle?
- Gathered wild blackberries?
- Used an outhouse?
- Ridden a horse?
- Smelled the scent of cured tobacco hanging in a tobacco barn?
- Taken the ashes out of a wood stove or wood heater?
- Carried in wood?
- Walked barefoot down a gravel or dirt road?
- Slept in a tent?
- Been attacked by a rooster?
- Eaten raw apple, potato or turnip off the blade of a pocketknife?
- Dipped Skoal or chewing tobacco, or had it?
- Eaten homemade snow ice cream?
- Used a pump to draw water from a well?
- Been on a hayride?
- Jumped into a pile of raked leaves?
- Carved your initials into a tree?
- Sucked on a piece of water hose to siphon gas out of a gas tank?
- Been shocked by an electric fence?
- Split wood with an ax?
- Hung laundry outside on a clothes line to dry?
- Eaten fried bologna?
If you answered “yes” to fewer than 25 of those, I don’t even know you.
I never really doubted that I’m country, but by this standard I’m even more cornpone than I thought. My childhood was surrounded by farms, farmers and farm kids, so I guess it comes natural [sic].
I gave myself bonus points for having participated in the mass castration of piglets and holding a Holstein’s innards (still attached to the Holstein) in my arms for three hours while my father, a veterinarian, did a Caesarian section.
Now allow this Country Boy to add to my friend’s list. In no particular order…
- Milked a cow?
- Broke a horse?
- Mucked a stall?
- Dug for worms?
- Smoked a corncob pipe?
- Shot up a stop sign?
- Eaten hot cracklins fresh outta the fry?
- Made sassafras tea?
- Eaten ramps?
- Been excused from school for hunting season or harvest?
- Lived in a house heated only with wood or coal?
- Snapped beans?
- Lived in or visited a cellar house?
- Baled hay?
- Been paid to pick fruit or vegetables?
- Thrown corn on Halloween?
- Played basketball in a barn?
- Put up sileage?
If you’re country, you know it — you don’t need a test. But if you scored more “no” than “yes” answers on this one, trust me, you ain’t country.
Take care of yourselves, Patriots. Stay calm. Stay sharp. Stay free.